The Rainy Day

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Circle of Life

I'm sick of phone calls followed by tears.
I never wanted to go to the aquarium anyways.
Let me guess... You've been waiting in line and all you have to say is keep your head up everything will be okay? Well you know, it probably will be but the 8 people in front of you all collaborated and decided to use that same line and it's getting old.

 Don't talk to me. Your Dad is saving seats for you and your family in the chapel. But its still all gonna be okay right? Next week this will have all blown over for you.  You aren't gonna be here when the house gets quiet.

My future hosts an empty seat at every milestone my life has to offer, from my graduation to the birth of my first child. Who is going to fill that empty gap?
You Just don't get it.
 Now tell me its all gonna work out. Are you gonna be here to pat me on the back when everyone won't stop staring? I didn't think so... Or when the the hat collection needs to be moved from the closet to the white garbage bags in the garage?
 Keep my head up right?
You don't understand that those songs will never sound the same, that the cape has been permanently hung up and that I'm down a coach for next basketball season. Their is no way for you to understand that the closest I have been to living with him in the past 8 years was finding half a piece of gum in his old suit coat.

Everyone at school knows what happened and the worst part is that the center of attention has a funny way of finding me every time I feel like letting my head hang. Actions speak louder than words
I get it...
Rub some dirt on it and get back in the game. I've seen how your society works and their is no room for self pity.

So if the only way to get you out of my face is take your advice. I will keep my head up. And if my tears get to heavy I will grab a handful of dirt.
 Right now I don't need you talking to me. All I need an old Elton John CD on repeat. Preferably one of the ones about the candle that blew out or the train that doesn't stop here anymore or maybe even the one about where do I fit into the big picture. Yeah, anything but your fake condolences.

Because NOTHING "is gonna be okay" until my headphones sink far enough into my ears that I forget about the 10 minutes of life I just wasted on our conversation.
So leave me alone.
 I need to figure out how Elton John figured that if he sang about a candle I would come to the realization that even if we don't believe in God, he believes in us and that he is waiting at every  turn and every decision. But that we won't ever realize it until we ask him.

So there is my take on death. Or at least that's how I learned what life is.... But its different for everyone. So take from it what you will.
Its just a circle of life.

Love is a Cloud?

My whole life has been spent pursuing a route up and away from my troubles. I look out the double paned to my left and realize I am only two thin slices of plexi glass away from being free... I can almost hear the engines saying goodbye to the ground that was so restrictive. It's a bold and simplistic statement, but it gives me enough to assert my own.
The planes constant climb puts just enough strain on my stomach to exhale all of my fears. My fears are much more hesistant to leave then they were to enter.  I close my eyes and relax... I feel my fingers straighten and my palms expose themselves. Its not until my regrets slip through my fingers that I realize I'm finally finding security with nothing under my feet.
I feel every loose end I have ever frayed being tied up. My steps up and out of my seat and towards the door become my boldest decision.With the weight of my inadequacies loitoring somewhere at the back of the plane, I find the stability to pull my back foot from the safety of the plane.
And It's not until now that I realize that the same fingertips that were once crippled with a clench on my miseries. Are now liberated and adept to holding the same clouds that possess my dreams.
Love has taught me that a step out of the plane will give me my best shot at achieving my dreams.
-My attempt at explaining love...

Im AFRAID of being forgotten and replaced.

I'm AFRAID of phone calls followed by tears.
I'm AFRAID that the postgraduate program of my dreams at the school of my dreams only admitted one student last year. and it SCARES me that I'm looking so far ahead that I don't have time to be SCARED of the Sour patch kid anymore.
I'm AFRAID of developing feelings for people or things that won't develop feelings for me.
I'm AFRAID of foreign roads with "one more door to knock"
I'm AFRAID that my name-tag will become an identity that means more than the holes in the bottom of my shoes.
I'm SCARED of that sidewalk that will separate me from home with a promise to bring home closer to me.
I'm SCARED because I believe in things I don't understand.
I'm SCARED of having the workbook and failing the job.
I'm AFRAID of a forgotten return. Where the only thing that fits are the memories that I was holding onto while I was gone.
I'm SCARED that life is a game of triage and I will be a green when I feel like a red.

"The wisodm is in the tree not the glass window" - Jack Johnson

When did we learn to bar ourselves into a world so busy with taxes and algorithms that we forgot what life was like outside of the cubicle we've maintained for 15 years? Where did we learn to except mediocrity, I just want to know who the guy was that convinced everyone that "becoming an adult takes creativity out of the picture". What happend to the times when your playground was an alien planet who's only hope for survival was for you to cross the monkeys bars and hit the slide before it self destructed?
I'm not saying a cubicle job is bad, just about every wothwhile invention you can think of 9 times out of 10 began in a cubicle. I've never worked in a cubicle (and never plan to) so I could be wrong. But I see people who do and I see people who don't. From what I can tell there is something about a cubicle that takes the playground from being an alien planet then transforms it into a babysitter for your kids while you take this buisness call.
I love the way Jack Johnson lays it out. You can learn all you want from the safety of your kitchen window. But wisdom is gonna come when you explore the branches of the tree and the different routes between them. You could understand every chemical compound involved in the photosynthetic transfer of energy to that tree. But in my eyes, if you don't understand what its like to climb that tree even though your hands bleed from the spots where your previous blisters were, then you don't understand that tree... There is a time and place for the photons to activate the ATP process. But why is that more important than the branch to your right that saved you from the pirates. Or the branch up and to the left that kept you safe from those hungry lions.
Creativity is needed in all aspects of our future. It's not just something for the musicians and poets to hog for themselves. Creativity will be needed when the politicians are asked to write a bill that helps boost a struggling population while keeping the rest of the country in balance. Creativity will even be needed in the cubicle to write up the framework of the iphone 37 that will cure world hunger. PLEASE don't let 15 years in your cubicle keep you from the blisters that tree in your backyard has to offer.

Thinking about you....

I'm thinkin about you like a crayon thinks about an empty piece of paper. I'm thinking about you like paper thinks abut that pen in the top drawer. I'm thinking about you like a true smile thinks about a happy childhood memories. Like a 2nd grader thinks about making it to the end of the monkey bars. I'm thinking about you like a 6th grader that has just been asked to dance with a girl for the first time. Im still thinking about you like an 8th grader that has danced with girls before but is still can't avoid butterflies when the dancing happens with you.
I'm thinking about you like salt thinks about savor, like christians think about a manager and that manger thinks about its savior. I'm thinkin about you like a favorite song on repeat. I'm thinking about you like a poet thinks about his favorite line. I'm thinking about you like a bored student thinks about the time. I'm thinking about you like that colored piece of paper thinks about its favorite crayon.

Second chance?

Orignally I thought I would be clever and have my intro be just a picture. Somehow I thought that would be both creative and effective. Looking back I just feel like the tool with his head phones blaring to that one song on the radio about "Being sexy knowing it AND working out"(a lethal combination when all 3 are found in the same mix) but ya... NO ONE wants to be around that kid.  Everyone deserves second chances though right?
Lion King was produced around the same time I was. Which is incredibly uncomfortable to think about. Lion King was always a first choice from the movie drawer. I'm not sure if it was the laid back life of Hakunamata or choriography of I just cant wait to be king. How can you not be impressed with an entire animal kingdom hitting all their steps and staying in time? The older I have gotten the more similarities I have found between Simbas life and mine. I hope that I can learn to write creatively enough to express some of those similarities with all of you. I hope that by the end of the year I will have found away to take the clicks of my keyboard and leave something on the screen that will connect with whoever is reading my blog from the cover of their pen name. But until then its looking like we're just gonna have to tough it out.