If you really knew me

If you really knew me you would know that I can name all the bath and body works lotions by smell up to the sensual amber line.
You'd know that I played varsity footbal.... but not really
You would also know that I feel like I did a lot of growing up from the sideline this year
If you really knew me you would know that the candle blew out long before the legend ever did.
If you really knew me you would know that Elton John and Winston Churchill are my hereos but it has more to do with people I loved who loved them.
If you really knew me you would know I'm obsessed with finding the sound of his piano.
You would know that the first time I ever read a poem for anyone it felt like a sucess and I considered myself a natural until I went to write my second poem
If you really knew me you would know I over think everything and that I blame a lot of things on myself.
If you really knew me you would know that when the going gets tough the tough get going
If you really knew me...

When the going gets tough the tough get going.

Life is a game of beautiful heartbreaks...

It's a grindstone... whether it breaks you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of.

You've got a broken family HERE, an unemployed dad over THERE and WAY over THERE... thats where your baby brother never made it home from the hospital.

How it happens doesn't matter, because when something is broken its broken and the same rules apply to a heart.

So whether it breaks when your name is at the bottom of the depth chart or it breaks when she explains it wasn't you it was her

It doesn't really matter.

When something is broken its broken and you're given a choice

Because when the going gets tough the tough will get going

I will ALWAYS love my grandpa for taking the time to teach a young 9 year old boy that life isn't always fair.

You see the story of who he became,  began with a boyhood of bombed neighborhoods. My Grandpa grew up in times where the windows were blacked out before it was safe to begin prayers from the torpedo tested shelters.

Prayers in hopes that the detonations would happen in the fields of farms, instead of over the houses that harbored families of four.

With tears in his eyes Grandpa would look to me and say son... You haven't been asked to give up your ration for the day... and you haven't been asked to chart a torpedo tangled trail....

but you have been asked... and the things you have been asked to do are stepping steps you're expected to maneuver .

They're going to tell YOU a lot about who you will become.

They will give you just about all you can handle and when your heels hang from the cliff, with one subtle push these stones will take  you over the edge.

And while you STILL  probably won't understand what it's like to pray from a blacked out bomb shelter. Everything that you will need to become YOU... will be somewhere in the fall between the edge and the bottom.

But this is where it gets tricky.

There is where life gets tough...

Because it's a lot easier to remain broken at the bottom than it is to figure what you need to do to get up.

It's a lot easier....

But then I can see grandpa looking at me and saying, "David when you hit the bottom"

DON'T EVER FORGET

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH THE TOUGH GET GOING

So this is MY thesis,

 it doesn't take a final phone call to decide your fait... but it might.

and it doesn't take a broken home to teach you what matters in life... but it might.

The maze we're all running through, it's different for everyone.

But I can promise you this...

YOUR maze is going to take you to the edge and when your heels began to hang off... with a subtle push you will find yourself at the bottom.

So whether it really was her and not you.

Or whether it's the final moments with a loved one before life support is pulled.

YOUR MAZE.... YOUR LIFE  will end up being a game of beautiful heart breaks

But the only way you will ever understand what you need to be

is by hitting the bottom and realizing

that when the going gets tough... the tough get going. 

Somewhere between the slurpee and the skinned knee...

You're probably reading this and hoping for something real right? Well... I have been sitting here for a half an hour now and this blank screen still hasn't fed my finger tips anything that I think would be worth reading. I'm caught in a heated debate... Half of me wants to say that I should wait until I have something worth while and half of me wants to take a blind first step and see where this adventure takes me.

I've been looking for the sound of his piano. I don't mean to be blunt but I'm sick of trying to put together ways to start this post and it hasn't gotten me any closer to what I used to feel when the speakers used to shake our windows. As crazy as it sounds... I feel like the sheet music is somewhere close enough to see but far enough not to hear.
Every once and awhile I can almost hear the treble cleff break through the double paned plexi glass. But it's never enough to motivate me for more than a week... Let alone shake the frames it passes through.
I know the sharps and flats are all there. I can even see them coordinate themselves acording to majors and minors.
So my questions to you are these
How do I hear his music again?
Would I even recognize it if I heard it?
and
Why don't the speakers play the same anymore?

Favorite child?

you just can't do it.
Unless one of your kids is fat you should love all of them the same.
Picking a favorite movie is like deciding which Jonas Brother would make the best snowcone.... It just depends on your mood and there is not a lot more to it than that....
So uhhh pass the popcorn